Tuesday, July 7, 2009

My Little Trooper

....Yohaan that is. We have been terribly busy making hospital follow up visits for our man. At week five and again at month five, he suffered from seizures and both times had to be rushed to the ER. I remember those times, me hysterical and wailing and asking the doctors, nurses if my baby was going to die. Yes, raw pain does that to you. You dont think straight, you dont know how to. I remember each time his tiny body convulsed the nurses rushing to him, grim faced and working hard to bring him out of it. I remember hubster holding me tight and reassuring me that our man would live and he would live well at that. I remember breaking down when they couldn't find a vein to hook him to the various tubes and machines. The first time was especially agonising and the nurse had to order me to leave the room. Hubster stayed behind holding on to his son's fragile body so he wouldn't wriggle and thrash around in pain.

I stood outside the ER, crying loudly, tears of pain, helplesness, desperate to please God or bargain with him. At that point , time stood still, nothing the doctors would do was fast enough for me. Nobody was giving any answers. I heard terms like brain damage, oxygen supply cut, premature, hydrocephalus etc being thrown around. Untill the specialist on call made a snap diagnosis , that the baby was hypocalcemic and therefore convulsing. And her diagnosis was spot on. Nothing alarming, definetly no brain damage and curable! I almost kissed her in gratitude. She gave instructions for admitting him and getting him started immediately on calcium/magnesium infusion. We heaved a sigh of relief. We cried for 48 hours straight. Hubster and me. Maybe not him so much, but me as a mother was completely broken. My husband was stoic, brave and held up well because he saw his mad wife collapse. Ah, I do love that man, my pillar of strength. Yohaan was discharged after five days and things were right on track.

Untill he was five months old and his mother had like a fool stopped all medication. The convulsions came again. This time more in number and stonger too. As we rushed him to the ER, there was much history to support us all. Once again, the same protocol was followed although he took time to recover. Between these two episodes, we have consulted so many doctors, done so much research and been to so many hospitals. Made new friends, lost some . Realised the true value of a crisis and what it does to our person. Hubster and me have emerged so much more stronger. We have given up our baby to the Lord and know that we are only his caretakers here on earth for a brief while. And amidst all this who is the best of all? Our trooper, Yohaan. Pokes and pricks, bitter medicines, x-rays and scans, disrupted schedules and routines, student interns prodding him at unearthly hours, feeding sessions interupted and so much more and still this lil' fella smiles and smiles like theres no tomorow! Yohaan is easily the happiest, chirpiest baby around. Even with a canula splint he would be cheerfuly making baby sounds and smiling at all the staff at the hospital. Nurses would delight in him because he lapped up his meds. Visitors would be glad to see him still able to recognise them and leap at them to be held! This mother's heart is bursting with pride and awe.

And now, after six long months, yesterday his paediatric neurosurgeon pronounced him fit as a fiddle. He told us there is nothing wrong with him, espeically his brain and over all development. As I heard the doctor say these words, I almost choked trying to keep from crying. Hubster kept asking the same questions again and again , I think he was nervous and expected just something tiny to be still wrong! The doctor was confident but offered to see Yohaan after six months if it made us feel better. Kind doctor that!

To celebrate this awesome event, we picked up some yummy food on our way back, yayyy, I didn't have to cook. And lots of new clothes for our man. While I was picking out t-shirts and shorts for him, I must have told him ten times how much fun it would be if he was a baby girl, even hubster agreed on that, shopping for boys is almost boring! Anyhow, can't wait to see him in all the lawyer-like serious clothes his dad insisted we choose...I managed to pick up one bright red shorts though much to the father's shock! And so we came home with our hearts thankful and awed by God's goodness. For lessons learnt and for our baby surviving all of this. With a big goofy, toothless smile...always and for anyone.

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