Wednesday, November 25, 2009

It's official and it's good.

...our moving in to a new season of life that is. Today is husbter's last day at work. Contrary to what I assumed, he went off with a happy frame of mind. It was good while it lasted, this work of his but he is leaving at just the right time because his senior management had started using him a lot for fire fighting and basically making him a scapegoat to get out of nasty situations. So hubster is actually relieved that he is out! God does have perfect timing!

In another news. I and Yohaan are going to go away to India (yes again!) for the time being or atleast untill a new job and an appartment is found for us to resume our family programming. Setting up shop in Sharjah would'nt have served any purpose except to add to our outgoings. so we decided to cut down by just splitting up and waiting for things to turn around. You might want to ask us as to why dont we just go back to our home country? Well, we have a huge house loan on our heads. Mortgage has to paid. And even though, Indian companies do pay well it wont be enough to pay off our housing loans. We are otherwise debt free but then this mortgage is a mother of all mortgages! Student loans, car loans, credit card loans all have been paid and put to rest. As a principle, hubster uses his credit card only under extreme emergencies, like if he is abroad and needs to shell out some local cash. He owns only one and that is hardly ever used. I dont own one and never have. I am mortally scared of loans and debts. Anyhow, I will be away for Christmas with my family while husbter will be here in Dubai looking out for jobs, appartments etc. Basically get started on all this and then we hope to re-join him. Soon! I hope!

I was very resistant to the idea of being away from him because I am one of those clingy wives. I can infact live in poverty but if husbter's job demands = more money=more hours away from home, that is not acceptable! As a corporate lawyer, he is anyways always in demand. It can be a killer but we try not to join the rat race and live simple. Although it is important to husbter to derive full job satisfaction more than money, he has somehow gotten sucked in to the corporate culture. Somewhere along the line he would like to leave all this and become a college teacher, teaching law to young students. He is passionate about law. I am happy with whatever he chooses to do with his career. All we want is that daddy should be home at a decent time! So me agreeing to go away is nothing short of a miracle which I believe only God could achieve! I hate going to India. For several personal reasons. But this time, God has given me the grace to be gracious and accept His will. And I know there is blessing in obeying his commands.

We do hope to be back soon. And guess what? I am such a typical woman. I am so excited about the prospect of setting up a new home yet again! In the last four years of being married and moving twice , I have learnt much in homemaking skills. I am looking forward to do up our new house. I know that Jesus has already marked it for us! Whether it is an appartment or a villa or a studio or whatever I am so going to enjoy decorating it, personalising it and making it a home! Infact, whenever I feel even slightly down (which is rare) with our current situation, I start day dreaming about our new place and it is an instant pick up for me! My long suffering hubster has been giving me ''oh no'' looks. But who cares. What's a woman got to do after all ! It will be like how we got married and moved here in the middle east to set up home. Yes!

We have witnessed some mighty miracles yesterday in answer to our patient, all will be revealed in due course. We are seeing first hand how God restores and provides! Never doubt his goodness and faithfulness. When the time is right, I shall do a post on it here. It will be a mighty testimony and I hope many shall be blessed and encouraged by our story! What an adventure...all for His purposes and glory.

So it's all good. I will be spending a winter in North India after three or four years and that is truly making me happy. I luuuurve the cold season. And that prospect is keeping me happy. Yohaan's first harsh winter too. Lets see how he takes it. Grandpa and grandma are again going bersek preparing for our arrival. Goodness, he is again in for some serious pampering that boy!
Christmas is almost here! You guys have a lovely winter holidays and be well. I shall be around.

Friday, November 20, 2009

To Love and to Cherish

I just finished reading an excellent book "What a husband needs from his wife'', by Melanie Chitwood. Full of practical advise and encouragement based on the Bible, I devoured this book. I have been married for nearly four years now and there are many times when I fail in my own eyes when I introspect about my role as a wife to hubster. He is an easy going, lovable man. Which makes it rather easy for anyone to like him and respect him. He is thirty three but much mature than his years. On the other hand I am not an easy person to figure out in the first place. Well, that's just me I guess. And so I get these self-doubting attacks...I often find myself wondering if I am a good wife to him. So this book landed in my hands at a good time because lately I have been again assailed by such thoughts. It can be a real pain let me be honest. Hubster is a man of few words , so any affirmation I am seeking from him isn't likely to come by easily, forget romantically.

This book really challenged me. It made me question a lot of issues we have between us as a married couple. Some small, some big but nothing alarming. Yet. I do honestly believe after reading this book that any sense of value, affirmation,eddification and appreciation that I seek from him has to first come from my faith in Christ. He is my ultimate groom and if I release my husband and my marriage in to His capable hands, I will derive even greater pleasure from being married to the man I call my husband. In my Father's eyes, I am precious and much valued. But there are times when lack of recognition and appreciation from hubster can bring me down. I sometimes long for him to say something kind/nice/appreciative-just to me, for me. He is not hard to please, but even if he is pleased with me, he wont affirm. I wonder how many wives,even though happliy married like me feel this way!

So when I went to church this morning, I asked God to help me accept hubster's ways. As well as to open his heart and eyes to this need of mine. Words have tremendous power over me. Verbal and written. I prayed that God would enable my husband to fulfill that need of mine. And no, he does'nt read my blog, so he is not gonna know!! I tried to do what this book suggests. Do not nag, do not demand, do not beg and plead, do not threaten...just release him and see how God enables the changes we want to see in our spouses. I kindof liked the idea. Now I am going to wait and watch in the next few days,weeks or even years. You never know, he may just thrill me by writing a book or a song on how brilliant his wife is!! Very funny, hah!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Things people do

I follow the blog of an orthodox Jewish woman . I do enjoy her views on marriage, parenting and home making. I tend to agree with almost all her views inspite of having very different religious beliefs. She is also a first time mother and doing a good job. Earlier in the year she gave birth to her beautiful baby and then announced it on her blog. She then mentioned as to how she refused all help and visitors for a few weeks, opting to be alone and be with just her husband and the baby. She actually took that step as a concious decision. It was upon reading this that it struck me how this whole stuff can become a huge deal!

In the Indian culture people take pride in being involved in each other's lives. Period. So issues like privacy, individuality, choices, options and other such things dont figure high on anyone's list. I, personally have no hang ups either. Maybe because of my conditioning. I dont get offended when someone wants to enter my ''space'' and be a part of it. Which makes me think why wouldn't a new mother want all the help offered? What made this lady refuse people who were excitedly wanting to be a part of this momentous occasion? Agreed, after like hours of mindless labour pains and a public display of your body parts anyone would want to shut down. I have given birth and I know how helpless that feeling can be. Basically, you are at someone else's mercy who will cut you up, talk about the traffic scene with his/her colleagues over your open belly while you despeately hope that they can get the baby out safely and not leave a knife behing in your guts! And then there is mind numbing pain of every possible kind.

However, once I am fine and gone home, I would love to have friendly folks around. No incessant chatter is required but yes, a kind helping hand is such a boon. Sometimes, I wonder if some women, who put up a stoic brave, private, closed up front actually do so because they are too proud to be otherwise. I see nothing wrong in being vulnareble. In admitting you need help. Ofcourse, many people can have high thresholds of pain, both physical and mental, but the point is, I would feel sad if I push someone away when they want to show their joy and excitement by being around. There will be many moments when the new parents can be alone and soak up the awesome changes a baby brings. There will be no damages done if we let in people in to our lives briefly to share our pain and joy, alike.

Honestly, I cannot imagine saying no to anyone at such moments! I have had it happen to me. When we lived in London, a friend from church gave birth and promptly asked all of us not to visit-at all. Leave her alone! I was seriously aghast! How? Why? What does it achieve except maybe alienate friends who may be from other cultures! As christians , we have a Biblical and God given duty to be all times. To invest in reationships! To be welcoming! Yes, our priority is first towards God and then our family. Then to the church and the community but having said that, I dont feel that new mothers should try and do it all by themselves! Yes, we all manage, eventually. Nobody has the time,energy or the inclination to hang around a new mom-baby for long anyways! But we should take our blessings and count ourselves lucky if we have people showing love and offering care. Becoming a new mother can be and is often an intensly isolating experience. It has been for me for sure! But then I truly believe that it can be a great way of reaching out to people for God! We are entitled to our full rest and recuperation but I imagine becoming a mother ought to make me even more sensitive about causing possible hurt and bewilderment to people around me. What do you ,dear readers, think?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Yohaan-what's in a name? A lot I say!

This post is in response to a reader's question. She wanted to know the meaning/origins of Yohaan's name.

@Hirva: I am glad you liked my son's name. It is primarily a dutch name but has similarities in Arabic/urdu and Hindi pronounciations. It is a derivative of John and means "God has answered'' or "God has blessed'' or even "God has heard''. In Urdu and Hindi it is pronounced as ''Youhanna''. Some people spell it as Johaan with J silent.

We kept this name for him because I concieved him after much prayers and a longgg wait! He is our miracle baby!

Congratulations on becoming a mommy. Hope you are enjoying it!

Mommy to Yohaan.

Shaken not stirred...

My life is a big pot of stuff happening. Like huge stuff. I have been away from my blog for too long again but then I always have ''huge reasons''. No I am not preggers. No nobody has died. Only, my dear hubster is on the brink of losing his job. The company he works for is closing operations after months of fire fighting on every possible front. Which essentialy means that we have to downsize our lifestyle drastically. Starting with giving up our lovely house on lease and moving to Sharjah in to a small ,small, small apartment. There is no way we can afford the mortgage here or for that matter even maintain the current lifestyle. Then hubster has to start looking for a new job pronto.

And how have we taken all this? Well, not too bad to be honest. Our world has turned upside down in a just a couple of days with us having no idea as to when or how our next pay check will come in. But guess what? It is alright. Absolutely okay. We dont have any cash reserves or savings. Although we do have our usual pension plans and life policies intact. So we are literally down. But not out. All I can think of right now is that amidst all this chaos, my Lord reigns supreme. He gives, He takes, Blessed be His name. Tonight we had a lovely spread for dinner. Homecooked. Chicken 65, Smabhar, Pumpkin-erishery, brown rice and mixed greens with baby potatoes. And I am thankful for the Lord's abundance. Earlier in the day, Yohaan choked on a stray piece of chopped onion he found on the floor. He puked his guts out, cried buckets and was back to his ''compulsive'' giggling and baby talk. I am thankful for his safety. Hubster is being brave, hopeful, humble, hardworking and ethical. Taking a stand to do right at the workplace in the face of panic and disbelief. He is able to encourage and uplift many colleagues who have collapsed emotionaly and mentally from the stress of the upcoming lay off's. I am thankful that he is able to do so with the help of his Lord.

We have decided to celebrate Yohaan's first birthday in this house and move in the immediate coming week. We have found an apartment for which rent has been untill may'10!! What a miracle! Hubster's brother has paid for it. And deferred the rent for us indefinetly. See!! Doesn't this all have God's hand of favour? Imagine, us paying our mortgage plus a rent! Two days ago, a lady arrived from India. We knew her as my former maid's friend. She came to us and struck a deal. She will work for us free if we give her a room and meals. We readily agreed because anyways we have an extra bedroom. So we dont need to pay her a salary, she does a good job keeping my house and cooking for us. In the meanwhile she will look around for part time work. How can I complain or whine about anything? It may seem there is total mayhem and time is running out but I am still and hearing God's reassurance. Not to be fearful. He will work out everything for us-for our good!

As hubster is fire fighting in every possible manner, I am just thankful that I have led an abundant life so far. Like Paul of the Bible, I have learnt to be content in plenty and in want. My God supplies everything. A laid off colleague of hubster's gave us a big can of formula and a pack of diapers which she wont be able to carry back to Philipines. What a coincidence that both brands turned out to be exactly what Yohaan happens to use! The mind boggles everyday as to how faithful God is! When we were engaged and newly married we had nothing. Just our bag full of clothes and our degree certificates. Hubster did well. We became parents and life was a bit too smooth. Now, time for those hard but invaluable lessons to begin! Bring it on, I say.